silence

have you ever had one of those moments where you pause, just a bit, and realize that you appear to have lost control somewhere along the way?

welcome to my past week.

i'm one of those people who holds most stuff in. i'm ok with sharing little things that are bugging me (my roommate would say i share too much) but when it gets to big, contemplative ideas, i keep them to myself. what you see is only the tip of the iceburg.

the more people push me to talk about the big things, the more i withdraw. push me too much, you may just never hear from me again. if i say i'm fine, don't believe me, but don't ask me about it either. just leave it alone. i'm not good with confiding my fears and what scares me. i mean, i'll share the basics like i have a phobia of confrontation and snakes freak me out. but when it gets to life plans or the future, i clam up.

i don't like thinking about the far future. hell, i don't even like planning anything more than maybe a week in advance! but when events happen to cause my brain to spinning, i'll lose myself in thought. i don't want to share the most personal, intimate details of my thought processes to anyone.

so, here's what you need to know.
a) if i'm quiet or seem upset, i'm probably just overthinking something and need my space.
b) don't ask me about the future
c) don't push me to talk.

the losing control issue?
that's how i am. i let things build and build. i put off homework assignments 'til the last possible moment, then freak out. my goal this year is to stop letting things build up, whether its homework, or personal issues.