Sunday, July 5, 2015

Roller Coastin'

I've missed this space.

I have had a rough time handling change lately,
so I've been hiding from myself.
From here, where I've bared my soul time and time again.
I thought I had nothing to say - but I did. I just didn't know what.

There's been a lot going on.
My husband and I both started new jobs in December,
then we moved to a new place (same town, bigger rental) in April.
I handled both of those as usual, I thought.

The biggest change happened a couple of weeks ago.
I had a bad day at work, and my stomach started to ache.
It just kept getting worse and worse, 
which made my anxiety kick in.

A little background for you:
I was diagnosed with GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease) my senior year of high school .
I've been on omeprazole (Prilosec) ever since, but have had years of stomach pains. 
I fired my primary care physician a few months ago and switched to a new provider.
She immediately referred me to a gastroenterologist, and I was put on a long wait list. I was also referred for a food allergy test

So a couple of Saturdays ago, I hosted an Arbonne party. I was so worried over who was coming, and the food,
that I didn't eat most of the day.
Sunday, I was supposed to go to a baby shower.
I had to cancel last minute - I hadn't slept, and my stomach was rolling.

I barely choked down some yogurt and strawberries and went to see my husband at his work.
I couldn't stop shaking and crying - I was in a full blown anxiety attack.
I ended up going to the local ER to get help in the form of a GI cocktail (a liquid that numbs the GI tract and should give relief) and a Xanax.

Monday I woke up with my stomach still screaming. 
I went to the on-call doctor at my primary care,
and she added another antacid and a stomach coating medication to my pills.

That night, I got a notification on my electronic chart system.
A couple weeks earlier, my doctor had ran a Celiac panel on me on a hunch.
My numbers were off the chart!
One of the test results said normal level was supposed to be less than or equal to 19.9.
Mine? 127.

So for the past 2-3 weeks, I have been eating gluten-free.
I saw a gastroenterologist, who told me my numbers were some of the highest she has ever seen.
My primary care told me she has never seen results like mine.
Nobody has officially said what this means - there's gluten intolerance and there's an actual allergy.
I don't know where I rank.

I have my food allergy test tomorrow,
thanks to my suddenly having reactions to banana and avocado.
(yes, no more avocados. My heart is broken too.)
Wish me luck!

I've been having a rough time with all of this.
Do you have any idea how much food has gluten in it?
Quite a bit!
I'm having a very hard time emotionally.
I feel betrayed by my body,
and normally I can comfort myself with food.
But the very foods I turn to for comfort can harm me.

It's been an eye opener, as well as heartbreaking.
But now I am feeling little pain in my stomach for the first time that I can remember.
I have so much to learn,
and I will be sharing my journey here.

Let's get to learning!