Tuesday, July 2, 2013

What's next?

The most irritating question for a graduate to hear.

The answer? I have no freaking clue.

For the past three years, my answer would have been to work off debt, ho to grad school for publishing, then work as an editor for a publishing company.

The unthinkable happened. I was offered a trial run as an editor for a very small, independent publishing company. My dream job, straight out of college?? I even asked Jacop to pinch me, because I though I was dreaming.

As I started this trial run, however, I kept getting more and more anxiety, as well as more and more negative about the opportunity. After several conversations with my parents, my coworkers, and Jacop, I came to realize the truth - editing books is not my dream career. I would rather have endless root canals. I held on to the dream of editing because my sister once suggested I might be good at it.

So, this is my conundrum. I have a burning desire to work hard for my dream, to be passionate about my career - but I don't have a dream to work for. I love books, and reading, but I'm afraid doing it for a living will kill that love.

My mom told me that I need to sit down and really think hard about what I want to do for the rest of my life. Honestly, I don't have a single idea. I know I want to enjoy going to work everyday, to be excited about the job, but I don't know if any career will be this way for me.

On one hand, I'm only 22. I should be carefree, living life to the fullest. On the other hand, these are my prime years. I should focus on my career and worry about life later. In a world that wants women to have powerful careers, be workhorses, but still have these amazing adventures, a family, and go good in the world through volunteer work, it is very, very easy to fall down in this "I'm not good enough but I don't know how to make it better" funk.

It's been awhile since I've posted, but this is where I've been - battling between living life to the fullest and fulfilling my potential to live up to great expectations. Bear with me, please!

(Also, any career counseling tips or life advice is always greatly appreciated)