Thursday, February 25, 2010


Lying in my bed, all snuggly and warm, I picture the harsh world around me. Wars rage on and on, people declaring complete strangers their enemy. Disasters striking, over and over again. Waves crashing the shoreline, flooding Indonesia. Levees breaking, goodbye New Orleans. The ground shakes, angrily bringing Haiti to its knees. Soldiers rushing, saving our freedom and fighting violence with violence. Presidents try to save our crashing economy. Relationships are crashing and burning. Friendships are slowly sliding away. Death is knocking on undeserving doors. Starvation is plaguing our planet, an unanswerable question.

Everything horrible swirls outside my window. Yet I am still me, the same girl I've always been. Sure, I'm better and stronger, but I'm still me. I still want the same things, dream the same dreams. I still love playing dress up, playing pretend. Look at me, a big college girl now, not afraid of anything. I'm going to take on the world, one lamely written thesis paper at a time.

Swirl away, world. I've got my blanket, my book and my cocoa. I'm not afraid of Saturday nights, dateless on date night. I'm in my comfort zone, and nobody can take that away from me.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

judgement day.

No more.
I refuse.
My foot? Down.
I'm done.

With what?

They're everywhere.
People judge others based on appearences, and stick them in a particular grouping.
I'm tired of it.
If all sterotypes were true, I'd be an antisocial, backwoods, accented slut, just o name a few things.
Because I'm an honors student, and a cheerleader, from a small town that nobody has ever heard of.
It's ridiculous.
Where I'm from and what I do does not define me as a person.
My hair is currently dyed black, which is majorly bold for me.
Does that mean I'm a goth, or defying social standards?
Hell no! I simply like dark hair, and I thought I'd try it out myself.
Sterotypes, sadly, are here to stay.
Human nature is to judge others on sight.
You can't deny it. You can try to, but deep down you know it's true.
We judge people who are different than us because we have no idea what it is like to be them.
We don't know how to be anyone but ourselves.
Yet we try to force others into living like us.
Most people are dissatisfied with their lives in someway or another.
Why push someone else into your unhappiness?

Why judge?

Friday, February 19, 2010

the ways of the world

I love simplicity.
My favorite type of Saturday night?
At home, in front of the fire, reading a good book and drinking hot cocoa.
I live in jeans and sweatshirts.
My makeup routine only includes eyeliner and mascara.
An ideal date is grabbing a bite to eat and talking.
I avoid complication.
I avoid drama.
I'm a small town girl, and always will be.
My heart belongs in the country.
A good vacation?
Camping in my grandpa's yard, riding my mule during the days.


What is my dream?

To live a life of peace.

What do I want to be when I grow up?


Who do I want to be like?


What do I believe in?

Freedom. Choice. Faith.

What am I passionate about?

Truth. Love. Family.

What do I expect from life?

Joy. Laughter. Quality.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

watching and waiting

Am I standing up for myself,
or am I falling for you?

Am I losing a friend,
or gaining knowledge about myself?

Am I simply writing another long paper,
or am I truly learning?

Am I saying what I mean,
or am I speaking to make you happy?

Am I reopening a past,
or am I beginning a new future?

Where am I going?
Who's going to be there in the end?

How will I change?
What am I about?

Life's full of unanswered questions
Yet I'm determined to find my place.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


Gone are the fun times.
Gone are all the giggles.
Inside jokes? Silly memories?
Not any more.
I don't know you.
Time has played too many tricks.

Where did our friendship go?
Did I change, or did you?
Somehow we lost touch,
and drifted away.
I don't know your life anymore,
and I'm a mystery to you.

When did this happen?
One day we're closer than kin,
the next you're nowhere to be found.

Why did we end?

Sunday, February 14, 2010

once upon a time...

I used to be a big believer in romance. The whole over-the-top, mushy-gushy stuff, with flowers and candy galore. I used to think that every relationship was based off of the romantic gifts, the surprise flowers, all of that.


Now, I want a relationship that's real. I don't want to have to put on a show. If someone wants me, I want to make sure its because they want all of me. Not just the "smart pretty" me (by the way, who are they kidding??) but the nitty gritty real stuff. I want to know that I can call them crying endlessly and they won't get scared. They have to be able to handle all of my drama, and yes, I know there is a lot. I want someone who can throw on sweats and spend the day having an impromptu picnic on my floor with me, who is comfortable with my hair all messy and no make up on. Someone who can challange me intellectually but also lets me the goofball that I am. I need someone who can handle camping in the extreme outdoors, who can be a total country boy. We should be able to hang out on Sundays, camped out in front of the TV watching football.

But who says you need to be in a relationship to lead a full life? I'm content hanging out with all my friends. I've got people, and my people let me be whoever I want to be. I can get all dressed up and go out on the town, or I can snuggle up with hot chocolate, a good book, and my favorite movies. I have people who make me laugh, others who listen to me when I cry. I've got good people, and a solid support system.

All in all,

Love is the answer.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

a delicate balance

some people believe in a greater being, acting as one giant puppetmaster with intricate maps of our lives planned ahead of time.
others believe in karma, where what you do in life has a say in what life does to you.

I don't know what to believe.
I am still searching for my answers, while more questions come to mind every day.

One thing I do believe in is balance. To me, the world exists in a perfect balance, where every bad moment is counteracted by a good one. I don't necessarily believe that every person leads a well-rounded life where everything turns out even in the end. I just believe that to keep the world going, both good and evil are required. The bad acts of death, crime, breakups, etc. are all counterbalanced by births, heroic acts, marriages, and the like.

For every bad relationship, there is a good one at the exact same time somewhere else in the world. For every death there is at least one birth. For every robbery there is a charity act. For every harsh word there is a soothing coo.

If we focus solely on either the good or the bad, we lose our balance and fall. Imagine a tightrope, the walker tiptoeing along the wire. On the left, every bad decision the walker has ever made. On the right, every good moment from the walker's life. If the walker turns to focus only on one or the other, balance is gone. The walker falls, hoping there is a net below waiting to provide a safe place to regain senses.

just remember,

balance is key.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

music to my ears

i love music.
i listen to pretty much anything that's playing,
and i can't pick a favorite band.
my favorite song will always be Zombie Zoo by tom petty
but i always find new songs to love.
lately, i've been in a very musical mood.
i've always got at least one song playing in my head,
and i feel the need to bust out in humming and dancing to the music on my mind
i will dance to any song i here, as long as it has a beat.
my friend Sara caught me dancing down the hallway to the music playing on the cartoon she was watching.
my facebook statuses have all been song lyrics (for the most part anyway)
i want to bust out singing 24/7,
but i am the world's worst singer.


a world without music will never be a world where i would live.

music = life.