Emotional Roller Coaster

I'm going to be completely honest with you, readers (if there are any of you still reading!)
I've had a rough few months.  It's been a long, rough battle. And the worst part? 
I've had it easy compared to several.
Lately, I've been hiding from this space. I've been telling myself I don't have anything to say here, that I have lost my voice - but that's all bullshit.
I haven't wanted to face my emotions, to make myself deal with everything that I've had going on.
To be fair, my problems are fairly trivial in comparison to most. I guess I should probably stop blathering on and actually fill you in:
On August 19th, I got a phone call from my mom. I was just back from my honeymoon, running errands and taking care of doctors' appointments while I had the day off. The phone call from my mom was to tell me that my great aunt, Mary Lee, had gotten bad news. Her cancer was back.
Mary Lee had had her bladder removed late last year due to the entire back wall being a tumor. This time, the cancer came back with a vengeance. She had it wrapped around her gallbladder, filling her liver, behind her breastbone, and in her left leg. She was given 3-6 months left with us.
On October 1st, Mary Lee passed away.
Let me tell you about Mary Lee. She was the oldest of four (my grandma was second in line) and fiercely protective of her little sisters. She was a lover of animals - you couldn't tell if she loved her only son Darren or her dog Yaki more sometimes! She was always giving to anyone or anything, giving away money she didn't have to anyone who needed it more. She was willing to believe almost anything you told her, because she was so determined to see the joy and the good in everyone. I wasn't lucky enough to get to see her as often as some of my cousins, so I didn't really get to know her as well. But her loss hit everyone hard, and it's still hard to believe I'll never get a Facebook post from her, telling me how wonderful my husband is, signed "Love Aunt MaryLee and Yaki Noodle." 
I hate cancer. The rat bastard has hit my family hard too many times, and shows no signs of stopping.
Last week, my cousin Kylee started urinating blood. She's only 4. She didn't have any other signs of a uti, but this was her second in a month, so they scheduled an ultrasound just to check things out a bit.
They found a large tumor on her left kidney. Cancer strikes again.
Kylee was taken to the children's hospital in Portland, where a full body CT scan was done. The poor girl has a large Wilm's tumor on her kidney, and spots on her lungs. She had a port put in, and has chemo treatments once a week for the next six weeks. After that, they will try to remove the left kidney, if they can shrink the tumor off of a vein that it's currently pushing on. Then they begin chemo and radiation to help the lungs.
again, Kylee is only four years old.
To say that the diagnosis hit too hard is an understatement. We just had a celebration of life for MaryLee on the first of November, and now this?
I hate cancer.
The two good things I have learned with this?
1) I married an amazing man. Jacop has been by my side, holding me steady as much as he can. He is new to all of the cancer business, but he is trying his best to help out.
2) The amount of support and love has been overwhelming. Hundreds of people have come out to support Kylee by donating to her gofundme.com account, or plan to attend one of three upcoming fundraisers for her. They have changed their profile picture to one of her, either her holding her little rifle or her dressed up as a princess for her birthday photo shoot. #TeamKylee has prompted her own Facebook page, as well as many, many, many thoughts send to my cousin's family.
On top of the cancer hell, life has been rapidly changing. Jacop and I both start new jobs on December 1st, and we are constantly trying to improve in areas like budgeting, exercise, and healthy eating habits. I am trying to get a routine down, both in the morning and the evenings, so that I can feel a little more organized and in control. Hopefully that will lead to me working on this space a little more!

Well, hello again!

So I didn't plan to go AWOL.
But then again, I never do!

So there is a lot to catch you all up on!
First off, I am officially a married lady for over a month now! We just go half of our pictures back (we have 2 amazing photographers) so I will share them once I get to sort through all 600 of them!
Other than that, I have mostly just been working and trying to get my name legally changed, Now that life has calmed down immensely,  (and I have access to a working Blogger platform!)  I promise you will be seeing a lot more of me! I'll leave you with a sneak preview:

Life long battle

Hey guys! I promise I am still alive!!!

Sorry, my new job, wedding planning, and well life in general kind of interrupted my blogging. Now that my blogging best friend has moved back to Florida, I realized I haven't touched this space sine JANUARY. Not cool, Heidi, not cool. 

Here's my life long battle that the post title is referring to: organizing my room! I absolutely hate putting away my clothes, because no matter how many I get rid of there is always too many for my closet. I have tried different hanging organizing schemes and NOTHING HELPS. 

Poor Jacop has had to learn to deal with my extremely messy closet and I am bound to figure out how to have a grown up closet. I'm guessing an updated wardrobe would help but I can't afford new clothes with the wedding and all. Does anyone have any favorite organizing tips??

A Marathon of Facts!

It's the final day of the challenge!
Becca finished strong and kicked marathon butt (earning herself 6 fantastic medals!), so it's time to wrap up my mini challenge with....
26.2 Random Facts About Me!
1) I would rather read than watch a movie. The book is always better, in my personal opinion. I get to have free range building the "movie" in my head as I read!
2) I am right-handed (this was Jacop's contribution. He's a south paw.)
3) I hate tomatoes. Of any nature, including ketchup. I will do everything in my power to avoid tomatoes!
4) I also hate fruit in food. PSA: Please don't bake fruit into your food. It's not supposed to be there! The only exception is apple pie, and only because the apples still are crunchy a bit.
5) I don't discriminate against any book. I will read them all. Even (shudder) Twilight got read. The only book I have ever not been able to bring myself to read is 50 Shades of Gray.
6) There is a very, very long list of movies I haven't seen. Including all the Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Lord of the Rings, or Back to the Future movies. Basically anything that is popular, I haven't seen.
7) I have seen some very unpopular movies Thanks to my stepdad, I have seen Paint Your Wagon (Clint Eastwood sings...) and Elephant (based on Columbine, about a school shooting..... my cousin was in it!). Not recommended for most.
8) I hate cooking If Jacop isn't home, I am either eating leftovers, at a friend's house, or snacking. I avoid the stove like the plague, because it is just too much effort for just me.
9) I love to bake I haven't in a while due to the fact that I need to fit in my wedding dress, but baking is a great stress relief for me. I used to bake cakes and send them to work with my friend David. 
10) My original plan was to become an interpreter I love everything about the Spanish language. I just realized around Spanish 302 that I can't actually speak it very well, and I would have failed without my friend Michelle.
11) I don't currently have a plan. For my career, that is. Right now, I am focusing on paying off bills and trying to decide what my dream is so I can start chasing it. My plan is to let Jacop chase his dream now.
12) I am getting married in August In case you are new here, Jacop and I got engaged in July 2013 and are getting married this summer! I honestly don't know where I would be without this man.
13) Technically, I am the youngest of 6 kids. I have 2 biological sisters and 3 stepbrothers between my parents. I've only lived with 1 of my brothers, but I couldn't really imagine life without any one of my siblings.
14) My nieces and nephews mean the world to me I love being an aunt. I love that Jordyn, Natalie, Levi, Priscilla, Brytten, and Samuel let me smother them with love and hugs and kisses. 
15) I am not biologically related to my nieces and nephews My nieces are my stepbrothers' daughters - actually, each brother has one daughter! Levi and Samuel are my sister's best friend's kiddos and Brytten is Jacop's sister's little one.
16) I used to be a cheerleader People now look at me and laugh a bit when I tell them, but I was a flyer my freshman year of high school. I miss cheering almost as much as I miss my cheerleader body!
17) I have a love/hate relationship with my body I have been asked several times if I am pregnant. I'm not, but I carry my excess weight in my stomach area and have been slowly gaining weight. My goal is to tone up this year.
18) I have no willpower Sweets are my downfall. I have no willpower over food - I think it's because all of my willpower goes into holding back all the sarcastic comments that come naturally to me all day every day.
19) I am a pack rat. I haven't quite hit hoarder status JUST yet, but I am certainly close to it! I keep every card sent to me, every invitation, every little thing that might possibly hold the tiniest amount of sentimental value.
20) I am creative-minded But I am not artistic. I would love nothing more than to sit around and create something all day every day... if I could. I am not crafty or artsy at all. 
21) I have a thing for water cups I have a large collection of plastic cups and water bottles, but never can seem to remember to actually drink water from them. I just never think about it!
22) I have a small hot chocolate obsession I love hot cocoa. I hate any other warm beverage, but Jacop has accused me of having a "borderline obsession" with cocoa. I have several different flavors in the cupboard right now!
23) I can't wait to own my own home. I want to decorate my own space, with my own furniture and artwork. Our house right now looks very college kid chic, with hand-me-down furniture. I can't wait to update!
24) Once I start a series, I have to finish it. I can't leave a series unfinished and I can't read anything else until it is done. The only exception is for Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series, and that is only because she is up to #20 and still writing...
25) The same goes with TV If I start a show on Netflix, it is hard for me to stop watching it. I binge watch until the entire series is over, or at least caught up with current tv.
26) My mother is my best friend, and my hero. Whenever I need to talk, my mom is my go-to person. The woman is quietly strong, and a fantastic listener with great advice. I don't know what I would do without her.
As for the 0.2 facts.... 0.1) I write a blog! Well, that was kind of a no brainer..... 0.2) I love to read other blogs! Any reading suggestions? Leave them in the comments!
This concludes my version of the Dopey Challenge. Yikes, I am exhausted!

A Half-Marathon of Blogs

Catch up time! This morning, Becca ran her half marathon at Disney World, so here is my own half marathon:
13.1 Blogs I love and why I love them:
1) Raspberry and Tea This was kind of a no brainer! Becca is an inspiration for me. She has lived abroad in Canada, and even worked for Disney for a year. She is brave, smart, funny, and I am so glad I got to meet her in person!
2) She Flies with Her Own Wings Okay, I am a little biased on this one. Tayleranne is one of my good friends in real life, and I admire her for so many reasons. One of which is her strong convictions and her ability to be real to herself. 
3) Mason Jars and Lemon Bars Jessica and I grew up playing sports together, and now I love reading about her growing family! This is Jessica's craft blog, where she shows off her incredible talent. 
4) Begin Anyway Kate is living my dream job as a librarian, and I find it inspiring that she posts "Training Tuesday" every week about her running training. I am trying to get up the nerve to contact her!
5) 30 Before 30 I have talked about Suz before, and she hasn't posted much lately, but I have followed her ever since I started blogging. I love how real she is, and how unabashedly she shares her life.
6) Every Day is a New Adventure Alyx is the new Wonder Woman, I swear! Not only is she in grad school for 2 degrees, but she is raising her adorable little girl and growing her photography business like crazy! Talk about inspiring.
7) Life of Bon Bonnie is hilarious and a fantastic writer. She is brutally honest about her marriage and the hard times in life as well as the good times. She also loves English more than the average person like me!
8) arkansassy Okay, if you don't care for opinionated people, avoid Ty. However, if you like someone who is incredibly smart, who argues both sides, and who stands up for what she believes in, definitely read her!
9) megfee Meg is one of the most honest bloggers out there. She is open about her past issues and shares her little world in New York in gorgeous pictures.
10) Silver Lining Brooke is an Oregonian transplanted in Utah, and enjoying her adorable (now expanding!) family! She is adorable, working as an elementary school teacher and living in a cute little apartment.
11) Go Book Yourself This is every bibliophile's best friend. This blog picks one popular novel and recommends new reads based on themes. I've added several books to my "To-Read" list from here!
12) You're my favorite today Michelle is a stay-at-home mom with a huge sense of humor. She has two published essays about parenting and shares her Friday Favorites and Hollywood Hot Messes. 
13) Mish Lovin' Life Do yourself a favor. Go to this blog, go back about 8 months, and give your abs a healthy workout and your jealousy muscle a little flexing with Mish. She travelled the world with her love and has crazy adventures!
Well, if you are anything like Jacop, then right now you are extremely curious how I could post 13.1 blogs. Answer?
13.1) Bartlebee's Bumblings It never hurts to self promote!
Whew, that was a writing muscle workout! It's hard to narrow it down to just 13 blogs to love. Tomorrow, it's 26.2 random facts about me!

10K Day.....a day late!

I know I promised this post on Friday, and all I can say is I'm sorry!
I spent Thursday night exhausted and Friday night I was making my tutu for my own 5K walk!
So, a day late, in honor of Becca's 10K, here is my challenge!
10 Vacation Spots that start with K:
1) Kailua, HI Hello, Hawaii! Kailua is gorgeous, with a beautiful sandy beach that it really is paradise. Add in the fact that it is on the same island as Pearl Harbor and the Dole Plantation, with some spectacular hiking spots, and it is perfect for a family vacation!
2) Key West, FL Always a good choice to go with an island for a vacation, right? Why not head to the island where Ernest Hemingway lived and wrote? There is even a museum of the author's home. That, and the beautiful beaches and the scuba possibilities!
3) Klamath Falls, OR I can't do a vacation spot round up without a shout out to my home state! Klamath Falls is about an hour south of Crater Lake and is home to Klamath Lake, a great family camping spot! Also, if you are like my grandpa, you will love the tack shops and mule shows. 
4) Kingston, England I have a small crush on England. I mean, it is where some of the literary greats come from, as well as fantastic actors and even TV shows and movies! This town has more of the traditional 1800s England feel to it, mixed in with the 21st Century.
5) Kingston, Jamaica I can't think of Jamaica without thinking of Cool Runnings, but that may just be me. Kingston is in the heart of the country, where you can immerse yourself in the lively culture of Jamaica. 
Sadly, this looks like it is going to be a challenge fail post! I failed miserably to do my research before promising this post, and I am utterly ashamed to admit that the K's beat me.
Luckily, they did not beat Becca!  Next up, the half marathon of blog loving!

Thursday means 5k!

Okay, on to my first challenge post! (As you read this, please don't forget to send Becca fast running thoughts!) Today's challenge is to share my 5 favorite things that begin with the letter K (in no specific order): 1) Knowledge.  I love to learn more than anything. I can read all day every day, soaking up random tidbits of information. I would love it if someone would pay me to be a professional student! 2) Kids More specifically, my nieces and nephews. I have 3 beautiful nieces and 3 very handsome nephews. These kiddos know how to make any day a great day.  3) Kissing You had to see that one coming! Not just romantic kisses with Jacop, but I love kissing my kiddos' adorable little cheeks and getting forehead kisses from my grandma. 4) Knits Now, don't get me wrong, I am not crafty enough to knit myself. I LOVE wearing my mom's homemade knitting projects though! Scarves, hats, gloves..... if it's knitted I'll wear it.
5) Kindness Let's be honest. Nothing makes my insides get all warm and fuzzy like a little bit of genuine kindness in the world. Even better, a random act of kindness just to be kind, not to get ahead in life.
There you have it! 5 favorite K's. Check back in tomorrow to see ten vacations spots that start with K!
(p.s. sorry for the weird formatting issues. Blogger on the iPad doesn't seem to have the same settings as Blogger on an actual computer!)

An Original Idea!

It has been awhile since I have shared an original idea! Although this is mostly inspired by Becca, the content is all my own idea!

When I had my first ever blate with Becca back in November, I was beyond nervous. I mean, the girl had the guts to leave our beautiful home state and move across the country to work for Disney for a whole year! I get panicky about leaving for a WEEK, let alone a YEAR! However, as soon as she sat down at our little table in the coffee shop, we hit it off. Three hours later, we finally had a reality check after discussing books, blogs, and basically everything. During our talk, Becca mentioned she was doing the Dopey Challenge at Disney World. I called her crazy and didn't think much about it.

This past Sunday, we had our second blate at one of my favorite local restaurants. We had to make sure not to stay to late because Becca was staying true to her goal and was off to Florida the next morning to get ready for the Challenge! Now, I have been told I am not medically cleared to run (thank goodness for knock-knees!), but I decided to challenge myself in honor of Becca's commitment to the Challenge.

For those of you who don't know what the challenge is, it is 4 days of running races throughout the Disney Parks. At the end of the challenge, Becca will have ran a total of 48.6 miles in 4 days..... yikes! So here is the breakdown of my own challenge compared to hers:

Thursday is her Disney Family Fun Run 5K. I will be posting a "5K Of Favorites", or 5 things that start with K that I happen to love.

Friday is the Walt Disney World 10K. I will post "10K Dream Vacations".

Saturday is the Walt Disney World Half Marathon - 13.1 miles. I will post a half marathon of favorite blogs - 13.1 Blogs I love and why I love them.

Sunday is the big finish - the Walt Disney World Marathon - 26.2 miles. I will post 26.2 fun facts about myself.

So, in essence, you get to learn more about me and running than you ever wanted to know. 

Get ready, 

get set,

CHALLENGE!!

Currently

(I may be cheating and writing this on New Year's Day....shhhh!)   listening: the clock chipping away at time, waiting to get off work so I can enjoy my evening with Jacop and his parents.   eating: nothing at the moment. Daydreaming about my apple chicken salad I brought for lunch!   drinking: water. I desperately need to work on drinking more of it, especially after this article.   wearing: work clothes. what I wear about 90% of the time I am awake!   feeling: a lot. I have had many a meltdown lately, and I am still trying to sort out these crazy emotions. Stress, joy, pain, anger, anxiety, and exhaustion seem to all be on repeat these days!   weather: well, I live in Oregon and it's winter, so it's definitely cloudy, cold, and just plain blah.   wanting: to sort myself out. There is a lot of work to be done, and I never seem to take the time to do it!   needing: this migraine issue to go back to wherever it came from.   thinking: about wedding plans, blogging ideas, and trying to problem solve.   enjoying: my life. As crazy and as stressed as it may seem, it is full of wonderful people who create such great memories for me!   (a big thanks to Danielle for inspiring this post!)    

Working out a few kinks

I seem to have lost my appetite. Not necessarily food-wise (like that would ever happen), but for writing. With social media expanding everywhere, I feel like my life has been shared via blurbs and pictures to the point where this blog would just be repetition.   I may do some writing prompts over the next few weeks, try to loosen up my writing muscles. I have a few drafts saved from my serious days that I may share, after some severe editing. I am planning on buckling down and even possibly (gasp!) scheduling a few posts!    I hope I can get a few guests to help out as well, although honestly I don't have much to offer in return, other than a different title to post under!   Here is one thing, dear reader, that I steadfastly refuse to do for fear of ruining blogging for myself: I will never monetize this space. I won't take sponsors or do giveaways. Personally, that would be too much for me to undertake.   Bear with me, please.  

Oh, hey there, 2014!

Oh hey there.   I have this terrible habit where I tend to forget this blog exists because I get so caught up in others!   So, dear readers (if I still have any left...), here is my plan for you:   I don't have a plan.   I promise I will not neglect this little space so much.   I also promise that I will be sharing our pro engagement pictures soon. I have them, but my laptop is acting more as a decor item right now, and my iPad doesn't have a CD slot. I will steal Jacop's computer soon and get those up!   So, new year, new me, right? That's how this game is played?   I don't want to be a new me. I like me almost exactly as I am.   So, my "resolutions" are not about changing me as a person. Well, kind of.   I'm just babbling now.   Soon, I'll write a real post!