Saturday, March 27, 2010

innate knowledge

Some people are born with this instinctive knowledge of what they want to do with their lives.
These lucky ones grow up to be the distinguished doctors, the lucky lawyers, the victorious veternarians.

Take my sister, for example. Ever since we were little, little girls growing up on Grandpa's "farm", she's known she wants to be a verternarian. She was always an animal person, preferring to make her Barbie play doctor to all of our stuffed animals rather than go on dates with Ken.
Now? She has graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Animal Sciences with a veternary option. She plans on applying to vet school next year (this fall I believe), and she currently is an aide in a vet clinic.

This will be her soon:

As for me?
I have never had a clue as to what I wanted to be.
Most kids say they want to be a fireman, or a cop, or some sort of hero when they are young.
Not me.

I can never make a decision. Yes, I'm attending college to recieve a Bachelor of Arts in English and possibly Spanish, but I have no idea what I'm going to do with that. I don't make plans for my life, and I don't know what the future holds.
However, here is what I do know:

I am, and will always be, a country girl.

I will always love Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

I am addicted to technology

My sisters are, and will remain, my role models

I love to read.

I am, and will always be, fiercely loyal to those who deserve it.

And as to my future?
I know this one thing:

It is my goal in life to be happy, always.

Friday, March 19, 2010

grumble, grumble, and grumble some more.

Ever have one of those days where everything is going great, just fine and dandy, then one little mistake happens and you realize your whole world has blown up?

Welcome to my day.

It's a gorgeous, wonderfully sunny day. It's the last day of winter term. Spring break is here. I should be joyous and excited.

Instead, I ended up crying my eyes out while driving to work. I was literally sobbing the whole ride. All because of one simple mistake.

It was a snowball effect. one little mistake led to a half an hour of desperation, then one little piece of paper was the cherry on top.

After the fact, I look back and realize that I may have been a little too hysterical. But it made me realize how epically bad my day truly was. Sure, there were a few good bits, such as my dad coming to visit, but mostly it was an epic fail sort of day.

Giant tub of ice cream and bad TV, here I come.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

family ties

there's this funny thing about families.

you can have more than one.

in fact, i have several.

sure, i'll probably always be the closest to my blood family.

nobody quite understands me like my big sisters :)

but i have more than one family to run to during hard times.

i know i will always have ties to my hometown, blood related or not.

i can always rely on my L52 family, those girls have got my back.

the honors program at my school has provided me with a large safety net, a new family.

every class i take, i make new friends.

friends are like family. there are the immediate family, the friends you can always count on.

there are the first cousins, who are close but not quite sibling-like.

then you can expand into a variety of distant cousins, some slightly closer than others.

no matter what, you will always have a family, no matter where you turn.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

uh, hi, remember me?

I'm always the one in the corner.
I'm never front and center, and I'm ok with that.
I like being an observer.
Someone has to be on the outside, right?

Every outsider wants in, even if only for a few moments.
I'm ok with the corner,
but is it too much to ask
that I get my ten minutes in the spotlight?

I listen, always the listener.
I don't offer advice anymore
I just am someone who listens.
Why am I never allowed to talk?

I'm always invisible in a group.
I'm never an important guest.
It's ok most of the time, I'd rather make a fuss over others.
When is it my turn to be noticed?

I'm the fair-weather friend.
I'm there when nobody else is.
I support, even when you ignore my entire existance.
Is it so hard for you to talk to me with other around?

Lately, I've noticed that once again, I'm the fall-back friend. I'm the Plan B, when nobody better is around. Certain people ignore me unless I'm the only person available to talk to. It's killing me.

So, in keeping with becoming a better person, I'm stomping my foot down. I refuse to be an invisible doormat anymore. You don't want me around during the good times? You can sure as hell forget about me during the bad ones. I'm not just someone to vent to. I can do more than listen. I'm a good person, and I know how to have a good time. I'm done. Good bye.

Friday, March 5, 2010

it's a beautiful thing

I'm a big fan of words, and quotes. I absolutely love this collection. This is where I discovered the wise words of George Bernard Shaw, a man after my own heart. I absolutely love 2 of his quotes:

1. “You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?"
2. “If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.”

George Bernard Shaw is amazing. Among my other favorites are dear ol' Mark Twain ("Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first”), Friedrich Nietzsche ("We love life, not because we are used to living but because we are used to loving.”), and many, many more great men and women.

All in all, I plain love words. They can encourage, destroy, love, hate, and invoke any feeling in the world. Languages are amazing, constantly changing, adapting, growing. Every language is beautiful, even to those who don't understand.

Let me leave you with one more deliciously tasty quote:
"Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people"
~Eleanor Roosevelt

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

it's all in my head

I'm intrigued by the human mind.
         I would love to know how it works.
Run by emotions, chemicals really.
         Neurons firing, it's just science, that's all.
Yet we are not all the same. Strange.
          We all have a variety of emotions, fluctuating.
Mad and crying, happy and smiling,
           All ideas of one little grayish mass.
Is it science, then, when we discover a new crush?
          When we claim we're in love, is it a real emotion
Or just the chemicals slightly out of sync?
          Who can say what love truly is? I can't.
Maybe we may never truly know.
          Is love just the right formula?
How can another being affect us so?
         Or are we just looking for an excuse to procreate?
Who knows?
         I don't. Maybe I never will.