I miss a lot of things today.
I miss being crazy busy spring term.
I miss english classes, with people who understood me.
I miss being at home, riding my Baby girl. (She's a mule, for those of you who don't know)
I miss when my biggest concern was which color crayon I wanted.
I miss living within half an hour of all my friends back home.
I miss a lot of things today. I wish I could turn back the clock. I wish I could go back 5 years and keep myself from losing a great guy. I wish I could go back two years and keep my cool about a ridiculous situation that resulted in the loss of two friends.
But, while I was miserable thinking about how much I miss the past, an old friend reminded me that the past is closed, and we can just hope for the best for the future. It's weird to call her an old friend since I've only known her for two years, but it feels like I've known her forever.
Anyways, it was during a coffee date with her today. She was talking about a guy she was hoping to be with, and talking about my situation with her made me realize that I'm moping over nothing.
Here's the deal. I've never really been in a situation like this. The emotional rollercoaster drained me. The trying to sort out my feelings, being set aside to figure out issues, and now the complete turnaround has me spinning. I am not good with emotions. I wear my heart on my sleeve when I am not hiding from everything. Usually, one look and you can know instantly what mood I'm in. But my best defense mechanism is to just go numb.
I know, I know. It's bad to bottle stuff up, and trust me, it doesn't take me long to explode again. Stupid things like my hair not cooperating can make me bust out in angry tears. But I survived last year by going numb. Cutting out any sort of romantic interests kept my spirits up and kept me powering through. If I keep myself busy as can be, I can't stop and deal with emotions - they work themselves out.
So essentially, my point is that now I am going to be going numb for awhile. Maybe later I can handle dealing with the crazy emotions I keep rolling through, but right now I'm battering down the hatch and buckling down on school work. I am just gonna wish everyone all the happiness I can muster sharing, and then go into turtle mode to protect myself. Who says you need to date in college? Who says you need to care?
I miss being crazy busy spring term.
I miss english classes, with people who understood me.
I miss being at home, riding my Baby girl. (She's a mule, for those of you who don't know)
I miss when my biggest concern was which color crayon I wanted.
I miss living within half an hour of all my friends back home.
I miss a lot of things today. I wish I could turn back the clock. I wish I could go back 5 years and keep myself from losing a great guy. I wish I could go back two years and keep my cool about a ridiculous situation that resulted in the loss of two friends.
But, while I was miserable thinking about how much I miss the past, an old friend reminded me that the past is closed, and we can just hope for the best for the future. It's weird to call her an old friend since I've only known her for two years, but it feels like I've known her forever.
Anyways, it was during a coffee date with her today. She was talking about a guy she was hoping to be with, and talking about my situation with her made me realize that I'm moping over nothing.
Here's the deal. I've never really been in a situation like this. The emotional rollercoaster drained me. The trying to sort out my feelings, being set aside to figure out issues, and now the complete turnaround has me spinning. I am not good with emotions. I wear my heart on my sleeve when I am not hiding from everything. Usually, one look and you can know instantly what mood I'm in. But my best defense mechanism is to just go numb.
I know, I know. It's bad to bottle stuff up, and trust me, it doesn't take me long to explode again. Stupid things like my hair not cooperating can make me bust out in angry tears. But I survived last year by going numb. Cutting out any sort of romantic interests kept my spirits up and kept me powering through. If I keep myself busy as can be, I can't stop and deal with emotions - they work themselves out.
So essentially, my point is that now I am going to be going numb for awhile. Maybe later I can handle dealing with the crazy emotions I keep rolling through, but right now I'm battering down the hatch and buckling down on school work. I am just gonna wish everyone all the happiness I can muster sharing, and then go into turtle mode to protect myself. Who says you need to date in college? Who says you need to care?
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