Believe. Dream. Peace.

Have you ever had a day where you questioned everything?

Me neither.

Today, however, I did question myself. I was at coffee with my mom, blabbering on as I tend to do, when a thought hit me.

"What the hell am I doing?!"

I have no idea. Honestly. I'm bound and determined to finish my double degree, but I'm killing myself to do it. Why? Who knows. It's just something I'm making myself do, just to prove that I can I guess. I have no idea how a literature minor will help with my career goals.

And yes. The career. Whenever I'm asked what I'm going to do with my majors in Spanish and Linguistics, I always reply that I want to translate, preferably for the government. What exactly does a translator do?

I have no freakin' clue.


Seriously. I've got no idea. What would I translate? What would I do every day?? How can I possibly want a career that I know nothing about?? What kind of crazy person does that?

It was like a brick wall hit me full force in Starbucks. I realized I need to pull my head together and figure out what the heck I'm doing.

Let me make a side note: I hate making future plans. I hate thinking further ahead than tomorrow. Ever since I was little, I've hated making plans. Now I'll venture a little further in my planner, making dates with friends at least a week or two in advance. I still hate thinking about next year though.

Back to my life plans - or lack thereof. I am attempting to figure out how I will finish my degrees, and I believe I will be in school at least one extra term, which means I would not get to walk with my fellow classmates. I hate that idea. I have grown close with so many people my age, and it would be severely disappointing to watch them walk and not be standing next to them, sharing in their excitement.

The only thing I can see holding me back would be the fact that as a Spanish major, it's practically a requirement that I do a study abroad. A semester long study abroad would take away my chance to cram classes in during the summer and fall terms. I'm afraid by taking a semester trip, I'll be putting myself behind in my studies. However, I'm afraid that not taking the trip will render my Spanish major entirely useless, as you can't completely comprehend a new language without living in an area where that is the primary language. My dream would be to study in Spain, as it is the one place I have always dreamed of visiting. Unfortunately, the cost of Spain is insane. So, my alternate destination (which my advisor is pushing for, since she grew up right by it) is Rosario, Argentina. I have met two girls who went there, and loved their experience. Argentina may be better for me cost wise, as well as aiding in my career choice. Once again though, I have no idea what my career entails.

Enter my uncle. He is a US Marshal, and my mother says he can help me get a job as soon as I graduate if I want. I think I want to attend graduate school, but I won't know what I want to do until senior year, if even then. I plan to start an email campaign of sorts, picking my uncle's brain, talking to my sister's incredible friend J. (he knows about 7 different languages fluently, including Portuguese, Arabic, French, Spanish, English, and more) about his job of translating books from Arabic to Portuguese, and attempting to get some answers from my state capitol (yeah, I know. Good luck with that)

Well, here goes nothing. Time to get to bed, then get my butt into gear on figuring out what I'm spiraling towards.



The post title is the titles of the three books displayed on my TV stand, the words and stories of Desmond Tutu, Martin Luther King Jr., and Gandhi, respectively.