I walked into a rememory....

I know I said I was going to be taking a break from my little blog, but I'm back! Well, back-ish.

It seems like lately there's been a blogging slump all across the blogosphere, and its seems that there's a writing slump all over my life.

I can't seem to focus on much of anything lately, but rereading a few favorite blogs of mine reminded me why I started this little shindig in the first place. I got too caught up in reading the "popular blogs" and lost all my self-esteem as a writer. Then, today, it was like a big slap in the face that caught my attention.

This is called "Bumblings" for a reason.

I ramble. I get so lost in my thoughts that I constantly forget what I was saying or why I was saying it. I whine and I blab and I talk. It's what I do. I realized I need to stop caring about the number of followers or the lack of importance of my little web heaven. This is my little life out loud, my screaming at the top of my lungs or pouring my heart and soul into something I am damn proud of. Who cares that my life is lived in jeans and a sweatshirt? (Yes, Oregon weather has been so awful that the sweatshirts are still not stored away yet) Who cares that I don't play games or try to keep a series going?

I like being an original thinker. I like having a way to say what I need to say.

So, my plans? What plans? I prefer living life one baby step at a time. Life is not a set of steps laid down in linear order, or a pretty blueprint with directional arrows. Life is unexpected. Life is out of my hands, so let's see what it throws at me, shall we?

(*the title comes from Toni Morrison's Beloved, a very, uhm, interesting read)

Blogging bad day....or month....

Eeek it's been over a month since I've posted??? Whoops.

I would like to say that it was because I've been so busy doing interesting and exciting things that I haven't had time, but sadly this is not the case...

Truth? I've been doing the exact same thing I have been doing for the past year and a half: going to classes and going to work. Not exactly thrilling. I'm pretty sure nobody really cares about how business writing or world history 104 are going. In two weeks, even that will be gone from my life and it will simply be work, Netflix, and getting through my giant stack of delectable, unread books.

Honestly, I've gotten a little bored with blogging. Rereading some of my old posts made me realize that all I talk about here is my tiny, boring life. I don't do fashion posts because I'm pretty sure you have to actually care about fashion to do those, I don't do book reviews because I can't stop myself from giving away too much, I don't play the "fill in the blanks" or "awkward and awesome" blog games because, well, I don't really care to repeat the "Myspace survey" phase, and I don't really talk about anything of real importance. All I do is ramble and rant about absolutely nothing, kind of like I am doing right now....

I don't blog about my love life because I don't have one. Seriously, I am a hermit who, at 5'10" and having a rather common face, doesn't exactly have a line of men breaking down my door. There is one guy, but it is more like we are wandering back and forth in front of each other's doors, wondering if we really even want to go there. It's a sticky situation that I am not really sure I want to get into, seeing as how I'm enjoying staying away from screwy head games and awkward dates....

So, dear whoever happens to actually read this, I am sorry for my absence, but it may become a very long one. Unless I get out of a blogging funk or think of anything remotely interesting to write about, I'll probably only be logging in to be a reader and enjoy other brilliant minded-people's thoughts.

Have a wonderful blog break, as I think I need one....

Balancing act

You know the saying "Life's not fair"?

well, at my high school's graduation on Friday, the speaker made a point about this message.

He wanted to impose wisdom on the graduates, and his words of advice were "Life's not fair. But don't ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER give up."

Imagine a big, older guy - linebacker who graduated in '66, with a deep, booming voice, practically shouting those words into a microphone at you. It definitely leaves an impression!

However, his story of one boy overcoming the odds - the kid who won districts in wrestling by figuring out that all he had to do was a takedown and escape, which gives him three points to his opponent's two every time. The same kid came out to the football field in seventh grade with his pads on backwards because he was going to be a runningback who was so fast they could only tackle him from behind. This kid was the most inspiring. The way Boomer (yes, that was the speaker's nickname) put it was "Charlie didn't know what he couldn't do, so he went ahead and did it anyways."

Charlie's story got me thinking. Yes, life is tough. Soemtimes you can be going along just fine when BOOM. two people near and dear to you get diagnosed with cancer within three weeks of each other. in between diagnoses your stepdad throws in a heart attack. Life is never going to stop testing our strength, and it will never, ever be easy.

However, if we all are like Charlie and just barge ahead, never restricting ourselves with imagined limits like "I can't", I think we'll all find that life can be just a little easier. Life is gonna throw curveballs, but Charlie's story is giving me hope that I can follow the pitch and smack that curveball right back.

It is all a balancing act. Don't focus on the good OR the bad. Take notice of everything. For every good thing there is a bad one, and for every bad there is a good. For every heart attack there is a renewed love of life. For every cancer diagnoses there is a community rallying for support. Just remember to look all around and balance yourself.

Be a Charlie.

Someone somewhere has some 'splainin to do.

sheesh.

you get on a roll, life's going fabulous, and then....

wha-BAM.

speed bump. the size of the iceberg that sent the Titanic to its icy cold end.

first a facebook chat ending in very sad news about a very dear man whom I adore. literally about 10 minutes after posting my last post. talk about timing. i can't divulge details (it isn't my story to tell), but it definitely wasn't a pleasant discovery.

next up - trouble striking my own family. my dear stepdad had a small heart attack on Sunday. he is okay, and is going to be okay as long as he sticks to his meds, but it was scary. i spent nearly every moment by my mom's side since i got of work sunday until late monday evening. he was released tuesday afternoon and is home and driving mom nuts, so he's back to being good.

right now, i'm playing catch up since i skipped monday & tuesday's classes to be with my family. i have 4 papers to write this weekend, totaling over 20 pages. tonight i have zero motivation to write a single word. horrible, right??

other than these two major bumps, i am hoping life will stay smooth sailing for a bit. we'll see how it all goes, but someone somewhere is definitely keeping me in check.

my life is awesome.

No sarcasm. it seriously rocks right now.

I am not having problems in any class. minus a couple of papers I need to rework, but those will be handled no problem.

I know who my friends are. I know where I stand with them all. and I'm totally okay with just being a friend in class, or even just a coffee once in awhile. I realize there are spaces I fill, and I don't care if they develop into long lasting lifetime friends or if we just keep in touch on occasion. I mean, I care, but I am not gonna worry about it. If someone doesn't want to bother to make time for me, that's their problem.

I've learned to accept single status, and I am 100% okay with staying that way. Relationships are messy, and complicated, and time consuming. I don't have the time to deal with any of that business right now. I'm too busy being awesome at school!

Found out I won't need a student loan until NEXT summer. Booyah. I can afford summer term and fall term (and possibly the whole year) on the school loans and my paycheck. bombdotcom(remember when that was cool?). The only sucky part is I will need a private loan for study abroad, unless some really kind person wants to loan me $10,000 to study in Segovia, Spain for six weeks. buuuuut it'll be worth it (hopefully.....)

Work is...well, work, but I have some of the best coworkers alive. We know how to make slow nights fun.

I like my life.Let's hope it stays this ridiculously manageable and fun!

mothers galore!

Since it's Mother's Day, I thought I'd be nice and say happy mother's day to all my facebook friends who are mothers. Holy cow. I was thinking there was maybe 5 or so....nope! a good chunk of my friends are mothers...which seems really strange, but then I realized that most of them are coworkers, family, or family friends that I've known for ages. Just saying "Happy Mother's Day" to each one took my an hour and a half!!

However, there are a few that deserve special attention. I've already called and/or emailed them this lovely day, but I want the blog world to know just how much I love them.

First up, my mama. Mama is something special, for sure. This woman passed on many things to me, good and bad, and I can't thank her enough. She's the source of my blue eyes, my light brown hair, my love of reading, my klutziness (thanks a lot mom!), my over-caring, and my laughter. While we had a very odd living arrangement throughout my life, she schlepped out to my school for every concert, basketball game, cheer competition, and awards banquets. She gave me my love of travelling, taking trips nearly every summer to fun (and some not so fun) places, whether it was driving the three days to Texas three times or simply going the two hours up to Davis Lake, spending a couple weeks camping. . Mom always tried to make my birthday fun, a difficult task since my birthday is in the summer and nobody is ever around for it. She got creative, and makes all holidays fun and seemingly extravagant, even if it's having us make a ghost town for Halloween out of old cardboard boxes and cotton balls. She's a very dynamic, bright, and outgoing woman. To quote one of my coworkers, "she is just so nice and funny, and I love her laugh! She's a beautiful woman."

I love you, Mama.

Next up is the woman who basically raised me and my sisters for seven years. My grandma is simply amazing. Gramma Tiny was at our house every morning for seven years, getting us girls dressed and out the door to school. After school, we would go to her house, which still feels like my childhood home. Grandma would make us dinner every night, and tuck us in when Daddy worked late. She never missed a single basketball game, and made it to almost every event in our lives. The only times she would miss something was when she was off travelling to see our cousins, spread from Alaska to Colorado. She is the nicest, kindest, most goodhearted person I know, and I love her more than words can say. She spoiled us girls, but made us appreciate hard work at the same time. From her I get my fierce love of family, my love of baking, and my desperate need to make everyone happy. She also shared her love of travelling and of volunteering. Someday I hope to master her cookie recipe, and to learn to sew like her. The woman is the very picture of busy, volunteering three days a week for the local senior center, working at the elementary school when possible, helping out at church functions, and quilting nonstop. The only thing she asks for in return is for a game of cards or two when the family comes to visit. She's this small, powerful dynamo, and didn't let two hospital stays in one year slow her down in the least. The world is a better place because of her, and I am a better person.

I love you, Grandma

The third lady on my list is my stepmother. If you've been reading for awhile, or you know my family, you know that my stepmother and I don't exactly have the greatest relationship. This past year has ripped us apart, and we may never be fixed, but I do owe her some thanks. She made my dinner every night for 9 years, attempted to give me advice, and fulfilled other motherly duties. Sh makes my dad happy, and for that I'm grateful.

As to all the other mothers in my life, they are all strong, beautiful women. If I decide to have kids, I hope I can live up to the examples that are being set all around me. If I can become half the woman these women are, I would be an incredible person. 

So here's to every woman who gives her all; the woman who sacrifices sleep, clothes, food, everything for her children. Here's to the women who carry diaper bags with pride, who are quick with band aids and hugs, who care more than words can say. Mothers of the world, here's to you.

Shakespeare, Langston Hughes, and Robert Louis Stevenson...oh my!

these three men are dominating my life right now. I really don't appreciate being dominated, especially by men (even more especially, by three dead men). However, classes are demanding my attention be focused on these three men in particular for term-long projects. So not fun.

Of course, Shakespeare is to be expected since I'm taking a class called Shakespeare. Sadly, I was not expecting the term-long sonnet project. Everyone picks a sonnet, writes a paper about it, memorizes it, and "recites it with feeling" at the end of the term. (have I mentioned I really, really hate public speaking?? This ain't gonna be pretty....) The paper is due this Tuesday by 5, and I'm really scared, I've never written a paper about a poem before, and this professor is infamous for making people cry with her super harsh comments and grading. For the first time, I haven't put off the paper 'til the night before it was due. I sent a copy to a friend who has had the class before for editing/helpful comments to make my paper less painful to be graded....

Langston Hughes was slightly by choice. For my 1920s literature class, we chose out of 6 poets who we would prefer to work on. We're doing a group project, where everyone picks a poem by their poet published in the 20s and writes a paper on it, then the group gives a half an hour presentation on our poet at the end of the term. the presentation instructions are super confusing, so we'll see how it goes. That paper is due in class on Wednesday, so I have to figure out what that professor wants too. and quickly. eep.

Robert Louis Stevenson is purely my choice for Survey of British literature. I have to read Treasure Island and possibly Peter Pan and write a paper on it. Well, I'm not sure what I'm writing on, to be honest. Then I have to present with a girl who's reading Jekyll and Hyde and talk about RLS's life, I think? I have no idea. These professors are about at clear as horse puckey on what they want from us. Such a pain in my arse. at least I have til May 2 to write the rough draft of that paper....

And these three, plus various readings and deciding on a topic for American Lit are the main focus of my life. So much to do, so little time.....