Rest in peace, Luke.

This past week, the Veneta/Elmira community took a hard hit. A young man, Luke Esgate, was killed in a BMX accident.

Now, when I first heard the news, I didn't think I knew the guy. I knew the name sounded familiar, but I figured he was a friend of a friend. Don't get me wrong, I was upset when I heard the news, but I didn't quite make the connection until my grandma called me tonight.

Luke had gone on a youth group retreat that my grandpa used to put on for the Elmira Church of Christ. It was the last retreat my grandpa has done, and I was the only granddaughter able to go. Once my grandma told me it was this Luke, I had to pull over and catch my breath. Luke was an amazing kid, only a few years younger than me but wise far beyond his age. He was fun to hang out with around the campfire, sweet, funny, and adorable. He was fairly quiet in comparison to his tent-mate, Robbie, but then again everyone was quiet in comparison. Luke seemed to have a special bond with the youth group leader, Ben K. I didn't really get the chance to really know Luke, and I only saw him a few times after the trip, but even I know that this world has lost an incredible young man way, way too early.

Rest in peace Luke. You are well-loved down here, and I know you will be missed.

Finally.

I am so incredibly HAPPY right now!

As of today, I am going to be getting back to the things I love - overachieving and helping others!

I was sitting in my British Lit class when I had a brilliant idea - I'm a linguistics major, so why can't I be a literature minor? I chatted with my advisor after class (I love my advisor - he's hilarious!) and he agrees with my idea, so tomorrow I'm gonna fill out the paperwork to be a double degree with a Spanish major, Linguistics Major, and a Literature Minor.

This is only PART of my overachiever status.

I also emailed the director of Abby's House (the women & children's resource center on campus) and am going to be resuming office hours as an advocate starting either tomorrow (depending on when she gets my email) or next Wednesday. I get to help with awareness events and finding resources for any person who comes looking for help!

That's the helping others part. There's still more to the overachiever!

Starting Monday, I will be a member of the National Society of Leadership and Success executive board for my campus's chapter. I'm so excited! I have to have separate meetings with the president rather than attending regular board meetings due to a work conflict, but I'm hoping I really get to help out with the program.

There is so much waiting out there for me, and I am determined to learn it all. I have decided to put the past behind me, forget people who hold me back, and spread my wings to soar. I am technically an adult now, so it's about time that I get my own life and live it to the fullest!

rawr.

it's be a frazzling day.

luckily it can be salvaged.

tonight:
i get a new phone (hopefully)

it's glee time.

skype dates with my beautiful, amazing, hilarious sister (s? maybe brittni will join us?) and the wonderful jerielle (yes, we are skypeing even though she lives approximately ten blocks from me)

hot cocoa. definitely necessary.

Bones. season 4.

homework (about 90% of which I'm actually excited about!)

tap dancing practice (although i'm strongly leaning towards dropping the class)

dear, sweet bedtime. and a good book.

yeah, it's going to be a good night. i'm determined to make it one.

Really?

Have you ever wanted to walk up to a stranger and thwack them a good one on the back of the head, Gibbs style?

Well, if you met some of the people I have recently, you'd want to. For example, a girl in my Survey of British Lit class today. I wanted to walk up to her and say, "Hi. I'm not nearly $20,000 in debt so that we could all sit around and listen to you babble and make a complete idiot out of yourself. Please shut the hell up and let DOCTOR Bliss speak. I'm pretty damn sure you have absolutely no idea what the hell you are talking about, and I'm here to learn. Thanks."

Seriously. I hate when people interrupt the professor to make a point in general, but this blathering idiot was just being incredibly dumb. I'm not an expert on the Bible, not even close, but even I know that Cain did not kill Able because God told him to. Also, when referencing other texts (i.e. relating Lord of the Rings to Beowulf) please, please have accurate knowledge of at least one of your reference points! Yes, the professor just related the two texts, but you don't have to try to outdo them. They are being paid for their knowledge of this subject.

It irks me that I have to deal with her all term. ten more weeks. oh. my. GOSH. I may end up punching her at some point. Luckily, my friend Kristin was equally annoyed with the girl, so we mimed various ways of hurting her to each other whenever she talked. which was A LOT. I have a feeling Kristin's water bottle may be afraid for its life for a long, long time.

It was just that one thing that sent me reeling into frazzeled and frustrated mode. Taking 17 credits is no where near how busy I have been before so far, but I'm already stressed out and it's only week one. This is going to be an insanely busy term! I'm up to my ears in homework and confused as heck most of the time. Apparently, during my 19 years (ok, maybe only 17 years) of being an avid reader, I was reading all the wrong material. There were about 700000000 x 10^23 references I've missed this week. Add that onto hormones in general (teenage girl syndrome sucks.), and frustration at family and at home (whole three hundred other stories) and you get one pissy, frustrated, tired little girl. All I want to do is run home to Grandma Tiny's and curl up under my favorite quilt, drinking cocoa and avoiding the world.

up until today, I was happy. Happier than I have been in a very, very, very long time. I finally got a new car (well, new to me) and don't have to worry about riding in a ticking time bomb, also affectionately known as Bibs, the '94 Oldsmobile. My 1990 Corolla is in better shape and overall looks better than poor Bibsy. He hasn't been named yet... Almost all of my friends are back in town now, with the glaring exception of Amy, who is currently completing a semester (term?) in New Zealand for her study abroad. Heidi and I have become closer than ever, spending almost every day together (yes, we have the same name, and yes we love to confuse people). I've been really getting to know the aforementioned Kristin, who happens to be Heidi W.'s roommate, and I'm kinda sad we didn't hang out more last year. Life has been good, minus one odd guy in my Spanish class who can't take a hint (he's nice and all, but kind of annoying, and was way too interested in the fact that I'm still single. Oh, did I mention he's 31?). I'm getting to know the awesome new Honors freshmen slowly, and they all seem like pretty cool people. One girl, Kailee, wants to be a criminal profiler. Not to be confused with my sister Kailee, who wants to be a doctor, or surgeon, or something super smart and medical-y.

And now I feel better. Rambling about the good in life actually outweighs the bad almost, and hopefully sleep will restore my spirit. And the chance to do some laundry...

I think I found love...

And it's name is Powell's Books.

The flagship store in Portland is this huge, multi-levelled heaven. NINE ROOMS FULL OF BOOKS. Yes. Nine. All color coded to genre, and organized extremely well. The store takes up an entire city block, with four different levels and almost any book you can imagine. I say almost because the reason behind the trip was to hunt down cheap textbooks, and we only found one that we needed.

Don't think I left with empty hands though. I walked out with 20 new books and a slightly empty bank account. Yes, a splurge was the worst idea ever for me right now, but my friend Heidi (yes, there is another Heidi, I am not referring to myself!) literally had to drag me out of the store. I scored several John Steinbecks and Shakespeares (5 plays, $0.95 each!) along with a few classics such as The Bell Jar. No, I've never read the famous novel, and I am dying to dive into it. All I want is to go live in back to Powell's and read every single book on their shelves. Except maybe the Japanese and German books I picked up for two friends. However, I hope to some day master a wide variety of languages, those two included.

Added to the deliciousness that is Powell's, Heidi and I went to the Sweet Masterpiece Chocolate & Coffee Bar, a small cafe a block away from the book heaven. They specialize in chocolate and coffee drinks, but their specialty sandwiches are to die for. The turkey that I ordered was one of the best turkey sandwiches I've ever had the pleasure to have a small allergic reaction to (something in the bread triggers mouth dryness and itching). It was delicately combined with pesto and cream cheese, with a hint of cranberry something (maybe chutney?). Heidi W. ordered the Margharita, an upscale take on a grilled cheese meets pizza. We decided next time, we'll order what the other had. Add in a super mocha for her, and a hot chocolate for me, and it was a perfect lunch. After a quick trip back to Powell's (where I drooled and Heidi picked up 2 more books while forbidding me to do the same), we headed back to the car.

On the way north, Heidi W. had mentioned she's never had a caramel apple. I decided to cure this poor girl's problem, so we stopped by Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. Everyone knows you can't go into a chocolate shop and only order a caramel apple (plain for her, peanuts for me), so I had to pick up a couple of truffles to add to the ones bought at Sweet Masterpiece. Overall, I brought back a peanut butter truffle, 3 triple mocha ones, a death-by-chocolate one (for my chocolate addicted co-worker Paul), a pumpkin spice one, and a Mayan sea salted caramel for my stepdad.

In conclusion, today was a perfect day. I didn't die driving through Portland, I bought books and chocolate. I'm a happy girl tonight :)

I'm not movin'

*yes, this post was inspired by the song playing overhead at work*

I'm not movin'. I'm standing still, watching other lives fly forward, making major changes and enjoying their time in this world.

This entire summer, I thought I would finally get around to making something out of my life. I ended up just working and watching TV after my summer classes ended. I didn't have the resources to do something fun like learning a new language, and although I took a couple of trips, my travelling bug just wasn't satisfied. I'm restless, bored with my humdrum inability to DO anything. I function on a day to day basis, but I am incredibly bored. I've been in school since I was two years old, and I can't imagine doing anything else. I have absolutely no idea what I want to do after college. I don't know of any career that is just amazingly exciting to me. I can't see myself happy with a desk job, pushing papers all day long, but I also don't see myself doing anything outdoorsy or cool. I would love to work in the medical field, but I HATE Chemistry and Biology. I love Anatomy and Physiology, but I can't stand the thought of chem labs and bio tests. I absolutely love English, and all languages as a whole, but I'm not creative enough to be a writer or adaptive to languages enough to be a linguist. I don't want to do any type of social work, I hate politics, and I have never dreamed of going into space or fighting fires.

I sit, comfortable yet anxious, just waiting for a good knock on my senses. The world is screaming "you can't just wait for dreams to come true; you have to make it happen yourself!" However, I don't have any dreams. I've never had a dream or a goal for when I was a grown-up, and now I'm screwed. I don't know what I want, or that I even want anything at all. I've always taken a passive approach, avoiding thoughts of the future because it's too scary. I have no idea what I'm good at. I don't have an outstanding talent for anything.

So, I sit. And wait. And hope that maybe, someday, I can have a dream of my own

My perfect theme song

Everyone needs a theme song, in my opinion. I mean, everyone marches to the beat of their own drum, but there can sometimes be that one song that perfectly describes you, or a part of you.

My friend Stephen says his theme song is The Way I Feel by the 12 Stones. Good song, although slightly depressing.

Me personally? I just found my theme song by accident. Yes, it was sang on Glee by Idina Menzel (gorgeous), and that may be how I came across it, but the original Barbra Streisand version is amazing. Just listen here. (the song starts about 47 seconds in)

Funny Girl

Funny.
Did you hear that?
Funny.
Yeah, the guy said
"Honey, you're a funny girl."

That's me.
I just keep them in stitches
Doubled over
And although I may be all wrong for a the guy
I'm good for a laugh.

I guess it's not funny.
Life is far from sunny
When the laugh is over
And the joke's on you
A girl oughta have a sense of humor.

That's one thing you really need for sure
When you're a funny girl
The fella said, "A funny girl"
Honey, how it ain't so funny
Funny