grumble, grumble, and grumble some more.

Ever have one of those days where everything is going great, just fine and dandy, then one little mistake happens and you realize your whole world has blown up?

Welcome to my day.

It's a gorgeous, wonderfully sunny day. It's the last day of winter term. Spring break is here. I should be joyous and excited.

Instead, I ended up crying my eyes out while driving to work. I was literally sobbing the whole ride. All because of one simple mistake.

It was a snowball effect. one little mistake led to a half an hour of desperation, then one little piece of paper was the cherry on top.

After the fact, I look back and realize that I may have been a little too hysterical. But it made me realize how epically bad my day truly was. Sure, there were a few good bits, such as my dad coming to visit, but mostly it was an epic fail sort of day.

Giant tub of ice cream and bad TV, here I come.

family ties

there's this funny thing about families.

you can have more than one.

in fact, i have several.

sure, i'll probably always be the closest to my blood family.

nobody quite understands me like my big sisters :)

but i have more than one family to run to during hard times.

i know i will always have ties to my hometown, blood related or not.

i can always rely on my L52 family, those girls have got my back.

the honors program at my school has provided me with a large safety net, a new family.

every class i take, i make new friends.

friends are like family. there are the immediate family, the friends you can always count on.

there are the first cousins, who are close but not quite sibling-like.

then you can expand into a variety of distant cousins, some slightly closer than others.

no matter what, you will always have a family, no matter where you turn.

uh, hi, remember me?

I'm always the one in the corner.
I'm never front and center, and I'm ok with that.
I like being an observer.
Someone has to be on the outside, right?
Still.

Every outsider wants in, even if only for a few moments.
I'm ok with the corner,
but is it too much to ask
that I get my ten minutes in the spotlight?
Please.

I listen, always the listener.
I don't offer advice anymore
I just am someone who listens.
Why am I never allowed to talk?
Shhh.

I'm always invisible in a group.
I'm never an important guest.
It's ok most of the time, I'd rather make a fuss over others.
When is it my turn to be noticed?
Never.

I'm the fair-weather friend.
I'm there when nobody else is.
I support, even when you ignore my entire existance.
Is it so hard for you to talk to me with other around?
Apparently.



Lately, I've noticed that once again, I'm the fall-back friend. I'm the Plan B, when nobody better is around. Certain people ignore me unless I'm the only person available to talk to. It's killing me.

So, in keeping with becoming a better person, I'm stomping my foot down. I refuse to be an invisible doormat anymore. You don't want me around during the good times? You can sure as hell forget about me during the bad ones. I'm not just someone to vent to. I can do more than listen. I'm a good person, and I know how to have a good time. I'm done. Good bye.

it's a beautiful thing

I'm a big fan of words, and quotes. I absolutely love this collection. This is where I discovered the wise words of George Bernard Shaw, a man after my own heart. I absolutely love 2 of his quotes:

1. “You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?"
and
2. “If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.”

George Bernard Shaw is amazing. Among my other favorites are dear ol' Mark Twain ("Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first”), Friedrich Nietzsche ("We love life, not because we are used to living but because we are used to loving.”), and many, many more great men and women.

All in all, I plain love words. They can encourage, destroy, love, hate, and invoke any feeling in the world. Languages are amazing, constantly changing, adapting, growing. Every language is beautiful, even to those who don't understand.

Let me leave you with one more deliciously tasty quote:
"Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people"
~Eleanor Roosevelt

it's all in my head

I'm intrigued by the human mind.
         I would love to know how it works.
Run by emotions, chemicals really.
         Neurons firing, it's just science, that's all.
Yet we are not all the same. Strange.
          We all have a variety of emotions, fluctuating.
Mad and crying, happy and smiling,
           All ideas of one little grayish mass.
Is it science, then, when we discover a new crush?
          When we claim we're in love, is it a real emotion
Or just the chemicals slightly out of sync?
          Who can say what love truly is? I can't.
Maybe we may never truly know.
          Is love just the right formula?
How can another being affect us so?
         Or are we just looking for an excuse to procreate?
Who knows?
         I don't. Maybe I never will.

comfortable

Lying in my bed, all snuggly and warm, I picture the harsh world around me. Wars rage on and on, people declaring complete strangers their enemy. Disasters striking, over and over again. Waves crashing the shoreline, flooding Indonesia. Levees breaking, goodbye New Orleans. The ground shakes, angrily bringing Haiti to its knees. Soldiers rushing, saving our freedom and fighting violence with violence. Presidents try to save our crashing economy. Relationships are crashing and burning. Friendships are slowly sliding away. Death is knocking on undeserving doors. Starvation is plaguing our planet, an unanswerable question.


Everything horrible swirls outside my window. Yet I am still me, the same girl I've always been. Sure, I'm better and stronger, but I'm still me. I still want the same things, dream the same dreams. I still love playing dress up, playing pretend. Look at me, a big college girl now, not afraid of anything. I'm going to take on the world, one lamely written thesis paper at a time.

Swirl away, world. I've got my blanket, my book and my cocoa. I'm not afraid of Saturday nights, dateless on date night. I'm in my comfort zone, and nobody can take that away from me.

judgement day.

No more.
I refuse.
My foot? Down.
I'm done.

With what?
Sterotypes.

They're everywhere.
People judge others based on appearences, and stick them in a particular grouping.
I'm tired of it.
If all sterotypes were true, I'd be an antisocial, backwoods, accented slut, just o name a few things.
Because I'm an honors student, and a cheerleader, from a small town that nobody has ever heard of.
It's ridiculous.
Where I'm from and what I do does not define me as a person.
My hair is currently dyed black, which is majorly bold for me.
Does that mean I'm a goth, or defying social standards?
Hell no! I simply like dark hair, and I thought I'd try it out myself.
Sterotypes, sadly, are here to stay.
Human nature is to judge others on sight.
You can't deny it. You can try to, but deep down you know it's true.
We judge people who are different than us because we have no idea what it is like to be them.
We don't know how to be anyone but ourselves.
Yet we try to force others into living like us.
Most people are dissatisfied with their lives in someway or another.
Why push someone else into your unhappiness?

Why judge?