Let's take this one step at a time.

Small steps.
One foot after another.
Change is slow.
Change is good.
Baby steps.

I'm honestly, truely ready to change my life.
It's gonna be a slow transition, but I'm ready to be a better me.
First up, goodbye Facebook. I'm deactivating my account on Tuesday.
I miss actually communicating with people.
I was reading Stephanie's blog when I stumbled upon another one. I can't remember the name or the link, but I remember the post.
It was about communication. Technology has made it too easy to disappear from human contact.
We text our friends to keep in touch.
We Facebook to pretend to hold on to relationships.
What happened to snail mail and phone calls?
I'm saying bye-bye to Facebook (although it may be temporary due to friends going out of state and out of country).
I'm hoping to cut back on my texting, but who knows.
Baby steps.

This summer, phase 2 begins.
I'm joining a gym, hopefully 24-hr fitness. I might try to have one or two sessions with a personal trainer to get me started, but it all depends on price.
I want to work out daily. I need to get in shape.
My goal is to walk a marathon for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society Fall 2011.
I want to have a way to release anger and stress that's healthy for me.
It will be nice to get back into a healthy daily routine, balancing school, work, and exercise.

Phase three is already in progress (yes I know, out of order) because of my current roommate. We are both trying to eat healthier. Ash makes me dinner, and it's always a healthy balanced meal. She reminds me to eat breakfast, and Gen makes me eat lunch. (Otherwise I'll forget to eat!).
I am considering signing up for CSA, but I need to talk to my next roommate about it. I am willing to pay more for organic, healthy foods. I tried eating a Twinkie awhile ago, and gagged on the greasy nastiness of it.

Phase four is also in progress, and has always been. However, I want to tweak it a bit. It's reading, and educating myself. I've always been an avid reader, dying to get my hands on new books. I have a list of books I want to read or reread this summer, along with three or four summer classes (depending on if I can get into chemistry). I am bound and determined to continue learning, possibly even teaching myself a new language. I have several languages I want to be able to speak, even if only the survival phrases.

Here's my life plan (well, for the next few months anyways.)
What about you?
Any ideas or plans to better yourself? I'd love to hear them!

That's what the chickens say...

There's nothing like a good tumble down the stairs to cheer you up.

That is, if you're me.

Crazy drama everywhere, pet peeve being exploited to the Nth degree, and stress everywhere.

Most people would rant, rave, cry, scream, write out their frustration, etc.

Not me.

My stress relief was an accident.

All I did was walk into work.

My heels hit the stairs, stuck, and down I went.

The people in the room at the bottom of the stairs heard a lovely *thump thump* "Shit! Goddamnit!" *thump thump*.

Then, suddenly, a bubble of laughter burst out of me.

Here I was, 18 years old, and I couldn't even walk down a flight of stairs.

Honestly, it was the best thing to ever happen to me.

I realized how ridiculous my life had become.

I laughed at my arrogant, dramatic self, and how I had been acting.

Who cares?

Seriously. So people are annoying right now. Some may still need to grow up.

So you lost out on one life choice. You ended up with a better one!

(I seriously think the people downstairs think I'm nuts)

Now?

I can laugh it off.

Today, I got annoyed and pissed off. One look at my knees and pinkie missing chunks of skin, and I busted up again.

My new philosophy on Life?

No Matter What, Laugh.

Laughter is my cure. My love. My everything.

Life.

"We know you work all the time, so we don't want to bug you with an invitation."

um, ouch.

Have you ever been running around,
so busy all the time,
that you see the blurs of others,
 but think you are alone?

Welcome to hell week.

I'm taking nineteen credits (yikes) and working twenty plus hours a week. I can't drop all of my responsibilities and run away from my problems at the last minute. I don't have time for silly games.

I love my hectic life. Yes, I realize it sounds crazy, but I've always loved learning. I love to read, i love discovering, and if it was free, I would stay a student forever. I like to be around realistic people like me, and I won't shut up if someone doesn't like the way I think.

I made a few big changes this past month. I grew up. I'm not a grown-up entirely yet, but I'm done wasting my time. I have dreams and goals I would like to achieve, and I can't let pettiness stand in my way. I can't let others hold me back from what I want to do.

I'm not the most driven person in the world. Yes, I set goals and strive to achieve them, but I am okay with not being a 4.0 student. I know that the grades I earn are important, but the 10% difference between a B and an A is never going to effect my life. I don't stress over losing a couple of points. I work hard, and I know I deserve whatever grade I recieve.

I've been dealing with a few issues, but I'm letting go of them right....now. Done. I don't have the time to worry about little things, and I can't handle drama. I won't. So, they're forgotten. I've moved on.

School? I love it. I'm the nerd who loves to learn. I like attending class every day, and I don't know what to do without a scheduled day.

AS for this blog?

I don't care if anyone reads it. (Thanks for the support, Mom). I don't need people to comment, and I don't feel like anyone to care too terribly much about what happens on a daily basis in my life. I write this simply because I'm better at typing than I am at handwriting, and it doesn't clog up memory space on my computer.

I love my life. Don't change that.

Here's to you, Aunt Jackie.

My aunt, Jackie Pignone, was one of the physically smallest people I've ever know.  She was short, ridiculously skinny, and scrawny. True to the family form, she made up for lack of size with immense spirit. She was always the life of the party, laughing and constantly telling stories. She was scrappy and could hold her own in any situation. She was always bubbly, vivacious, and over the top. To know her was to love her, and she made friends everywhere she went. Sure, she had her bad moments (hello, she was human!), but I mostly remember her laughter. I see her at the family reunions, holding a warm Jack and Pepsi, exaggerating her arm movements in accompaniment with her outrageous stories. She was a lover, a spritely trickster, and loved to have a good time.

Aunt Jackie passed away May 7, 2008. That was the day the sun stopped shining as brightly. Colors faded, and everything just grew dull.

In honor of her, last Thursday I took the plunge. I got a tattoo. It's my one and only, because there is no way I will ever go through the pain again. The only thing that kept me from leaping off the table and running out of the building was thinking of Jackie. She made it through so much worse pain then I could ever imagine. To distract myself, I pictured Jackie, sitting in a hammock up in heaven, laughing hysterically at the lovely faces I was making. I could see her perfectly, holding a plastic cup full of warm Pepsi and Jack.

Here's to you Aunt Jackie.

inspiration in the weirdest

i never thought i would be inspired for a deep conversation by a trip to see a Miley Cyrus movie.

Anyways.

on the way back from The Last Song, my friends and I got to talking. A mutual friend of ours is taking a Morals and Social Ethics class, and the class is discussing the majorly controversial topics of creationism vs. evolution, abortion, politics, etc. The others in the car were shocked that the teacher would be encouraging discussions on these topics, since it appears to them that it's inviting an all out brawl.

I, however, thought that the whole point of the class was to discuss these issues from a moral standpoint.

When walking back to our dorms from the car, I pondered a new thought. What if both evolution and creationism are the real story behind our existence? Maybe I need to research both topics a bit more, and maybe people will be offended by this post. I refuse to apologize, however. I have warned before that this is me, unedited.

The way I see it, there must have been SOMETHING that caused everything to exist. Nothing appears from thin air. As I see it, God, or someone like him (Buddah, polytheistic gods?) has to exist. I'm not sure what, but there's something out there bigger than us, in my opinion. However, stop your crazy hectic life and look around. We are surrounded by life, in the forms of trees, bushes, flowers, animals, etc. Scientists are discovering new species daily. They aren't always a new species, however. They always belong to a family of animals. They are products of cross-breeding, perhaps. They have to come into creation in some way other than appearing from thin air because some higher being says so.

After this controversy was brought up and quickly dropped, I almost opened the topic of homosexual marriage. I personally do not have a problem with same sex marriages. If someone wants to tie themselves to another human being for all eternity, so be it. It is not my place to say whether they can or they can't. They should be allowed the legal benefits of opposite sex marriages. I personally never want to get married. I have no desire to chain myself to anyone, and I want to live my life according to my rules, morals, and obligations. All I'm saying is that to each their own, and let love prosper. It comes naturally to everyone. Love, that is. We all have the innate need to love another human, to develop emotional ties. Who cares if it's the opposite sex or the same one? It's every person's choice, and everyone has their own opinion.

As for abortion. I personally have no freaking clue as to when a life begins. I don't like the idea of killing a defenseless creature, but if it is absolutely medically necessary, then abortion should be the mother's choice.

I hate politics. I refuse to think about them, discuss them, even care about them. They are stupid. It's all a bunch of old men or radical hippies tossing around big words thinking they can speak for every single person in their "domain". Uhm, sorry, politicians, but no. You cannot speak for me. I have had people trying to do that my whole life, and it ain't happenin'.

I may offend people, and this may shock a few people, but it's time I found my own voice.

There's no shuttin' me up now.

geography inspired?

I love to explore.

I can't wait for this summer, when I will be free to just get up and go.

I want to explore everything Monmouth and Independence have to offer.

I want to discover new places, create my own world.

I want to delve into new books, exploring new places within the words.

I am excited to get a library card.

I am ready to explore new options, meet new people.

I can't wait to get started.

All I want to do is explore.

Join me?

innate knowledge

Some people are born with this instinctive knowledge of what they want to do with their lives.

These lucky ones grow up to be the distinguished doctors, the lucky lawyers, the victorious veternarians.

Take my sister, for example. Ever since we were little, little girls growing up on Grandpa's "farm", she's known she wants to be a verternarian. She was always an animal person, preferring to make her Barbie play doctor to all of our stuffed animals rather than go on dates with Ken.

Now? She has graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Animal Sciences with a veternary option. She plans on applying to vet school next year (this fall I believe), and she currently is an aide in a vet clinic.

This will be her soon:

As for me?

I have never had a clue as to what I wanted to be.

Most kids say they want to be a fireman, or a cop, or some sort of hero when they are young.

Not me.

I can never make a decision. Yes, I'm attending college to recieve a Bachelor of Arts in English and possibly Spanish, but I have no idea what I'm going to do with that. I don't make plans for my life, and I don't know what the future holds.

However, here is what I do know:

I am, and will always be, a country girl.

I will always love Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

I am addicted to technology

My sisters are, and will remain, my role models

I love to read.

I am, and will always be, fiercely loyal to those who deserve it.

And as to my future?

I know this one thing:

It is my goal in life to be happy, always.